How Five Presidential Candidates Would Handle a Looming Zombie Threat

Thus far, the presidential candidates (and one ex-candidate) haven't been particularly forthcoming with their platforms on the whole zombie issue. So what are we discerning voters to do?

Here's an idea: how about we directly equate the candidates' quoted positions on Iran to their unspoken positions on the zombie threat.

I mean, that's a fair and scientific approach to getting some real insights on this critical issue, right? Yeah. Totally.