In a surprising turn of events just following the inauguration, Barack Obama has responded to republican questioners by announcing that they are correct.
If you were wondering how long it would take foes of President Barack Obama to come up with a new conspiracy theory as to why he is not legitimately our new president, you needed only go four minutes into his term to have your answer. It was at 12:05 that an understandably nervous Chief Justice John Roberts (and then Obama after him) flubbed the oath of office, and on the basis that the actual words that symbolically bestow the title of commander-in-chief upon that man or woman who says them, some are claiming that Obama might not technically be our president.
Who, you ask, would be so unclear as to the ways of the Constitution to suggest such a silly thing? FOX News anchor Chris Wallace, for one:
In a press conference called this morning, President Obama responded.
"Yes he's quite right. We didn't go through the ceremony correctly, and for something this important, there really aren't any do overs. So the election is irrelevant. Let's get McCain and Palin in here. I don't even know why you guys showed up for the press conference, I'm probably not even an American citizen."
As confusion spread through the capitol building, a bemused Joe Biden took the opportunity to do one of his favorite things, talk.
"Yes it is pretty crazy isn't it? You have to understand that nobody really quite understood just how bad this was going to be. Awhile ago, Rush Limbaugh said the whole recession was our fault, and we hadn't even taken office yet. Can you imagine what will happen when something, somewhere, goes wrong, and we are officially in? Sooner or later we will probably make an actual real mistake. Can you imagine what they would do with that?"
"These guys are so batshit crazy, they'd rather see us fail and watch the whole country go down the drain then have to give us any credit. They don't need to worry though, there will never come a day that they'll give us credit for anything, no matter what happens."
"It all goes downhill from here, the inauguration was the high point. From now on, when some guy shoplifts in a 7-11 in California, it's our fault. The recession we inherited? Our fault. They are going to admit global warming exists, just so they can blame it on us."
Outside, panic and hysteria ensued as an enraged throng of both press and civilians chased Chief Justice John Roberts up a tree and began building a bonfire around it. "I'm sorry!" the Chief Justice was heard to scream.